If you take a fat man, a depressed person and a twat, mix it together you'd get Alan Wake.
Alan Wake is a deep and interesting game with a plot that takes dramatic twist's and turn and with enemies that present a real challange...Wait, Hold on a sec ! this
is what Alan Wake tries to be. Alan Wake is in fact, shit. Once you finish the game the ending is alot like inception or Shutter Island at first its a little mind
blowing then you realise you wasted two hours of your life watching a film that has a multiple choice ending. -_- Alan Wake doesn't have a multiple choice ending
infact it ends so badly that you have to buy two more parts to the game to fully understand the last part.
"GRIPPING SUSPENSE - Storytelling at its best,Alan Wake is like a tightly paced thriller TV series, offering endless twists and cliffhangers, and building up to an
epic conclussion" You'd think thats what some sort of gaming magazine would say wouldn't you ! well, it isn't... its what the bastards at Remedy put on the back of the
box to make people buy the piece of shit. What it should really say is " TOTAL SHIT - storyboard done by 5 year olds, Alan Wake is totally and utterly cock, offering
No twists and shitty cliffhangers and building up to reveal £30 of your money wasted" but then if it said that no one would buy the piece of shit would they ?
Surly there can't be more wrong with this game ! Oh, but there is my simple minded friend ! With the Bastards at remedy cocking up the story, they may as well continue
with the cock-up fairys wish's and continue to ruin a potentially good game with their awful combat. The enemies in Alan Wake are surrounded by a dark shield becasue
they've been possed by a dark force that has a dark plan and dark stuff happens.... what was i talking about ? Right,the combat ! Becasue the enemies are surrounded by
this 'Shield' it means that your bullets can't hurt them. But don't worry Remedy planned ahead, they gave you a flash light ! the flash light doesn't destroy their
shield straight away it wears it down.... very very very slowly. Ah ha ! but you see Remedy gave the flash light a secondary fire, this means that you pull the left
Trigger (WHICH WILL NOW BE REFFERED TO AS LT) and Alan streches out his arm and point the flahs light wherever you aiming.... this increases the flash lights power but
it also drains the batteries, HOW ON EARTH, DOES STRECHING YOUR ARM INCREASE THE BATTERY POWER ? IT DOESN'T !
When the enemy get close enough to hit you, and supirse this will happen alot seeing as your only defence though out the game is a fucking flash light and a revolver (
you get a shotgun and a hunting rifle but they soon run out of ammo) you get the ability to dodge. I use the word dodge becasue theres no way of actually describing
what Alan actually does, its like a duck or a slight bending of the back it doesn't really matter because this move is made to dodge enemies that take horizontal
sweeps at you. BUT SE-FUCKING-PRISE, none of the fuckers do they all have vertical attacks so your dodge move is fucking useless. I swear game purposfully make useless
dodge moves or theres always that enemy that fucks you over and you can't do shit about it, its like we're ants on an ant hill and their mission is to make our lives
as miserable as fucking possible.
The other charactacers in Alan Wake aren't very interesting (apart from two rockers but you see them twice and they don't contribute much) their like 2D cardboard cut
out, they have no personality and they have the same IQ. you meet most of them within the first 5 minutes of game place....then you meet them again later and they're
all controlled by the dark essance thingy that tries to kill you with black jam stuff that it leaves lying around.
to sum up Alan Wake, its pretty good it has a story line that has a potential, it was original....although it was trying too hard to hump stephen kings writing style
through the game AND it took longer than 5 hours to complete which is more than can be said for any 1st person shooter these days. The thing is with alan wake, it
tries to be scary and fails hard. The tension is broke by alan's high pictched voice and constant need to repeat the fucking mission over and over again, and the enemy
are all lumber jacks surrounded by black stuff.... I might as well be fighting a deaf man with a blind fold on and his arms broken...it would be the same challenge.
"If you take a fat man..."
ReplyDeleteRight off the bat, you're just making stuff up. Alan is a very average-sized character... Let's see what ELSE you're willing to lie about for your agenda here!
"Alan Wake is in fact, shit. Once you finish the game the ending is alot like inception or Shutter Island at first its a little mind blowing then you realise you wasted two hours of your life watching a film that has a multiple choice ending. -_- Alan Wake doesn't have a multiple choice ending"
Of course not, because they knew fans would want a sequel and everything has to fit together. Most games don't have a multiple choice ending. It's time you accept that. As well as the fact that a lot of people truly enjoyed the story as well as its ending.
"infact it ends so badly that you have to buy two more parts to the game to fully understand the last part."
Not true at all. Maybe YOU struggled with understanding what had taken place, but people who are inclined to- Idk, THINK did not have any trouble. Now, there are some interesting things that take place to make you ask NEW questions (which are not answered in the DLCs), but it's very easy to understand what's taken place concerning the story you follow throughout the game. The DLCs add absolutely nothing to the storyline, which is great because that would've been very cheap.
"storyboard done by 5 year olds,"
...that you yourself couldn't figure out without the help of two DLCs (to tell you what the ending of the original told you already)? You realize you are insulting YOURSELF at this point, right?
"...awful combat. The enemies in Alan Wake are surrounded by a dark shield becasue they've been possed by a dark force that has a dark plan and dark stuff happens.... what was i talking about ? Right,the combat ! Becasue the enemies are surrounded by this 'Shield' it means that your bullets can't hurt them. But don't worry Remedy planned ahead, they gave you a flash light ! the flash light doesn't destroy their shield straight away it wears it down.... very very very slowly."
Speaking of "very very very slowly", when were you going to get around to explaining how the concept of light removing darkness makes the combat "awful"? *reads ahead* Oh, of course, you don't EVER do that! Go figure.
"Ah ha ! but you see Remedy gave the flash light a secondary fire, this means that you pull the left Trigger (WHICH WILL NOW BE REFFERED TO AS LT) and Alan streches out his arm and point the flahs light wherever you aiming.... this increases the flash lights power but it also drains the batteries, HOW ON EARTH, DOES STRECHING YOUR ARM INCREASE THE BATTERY POWER ? IT DOESN'T !"
They actually give this a mention in Alan Wake's American Nightmare. The boost feature is a matter of Wake's concentration on the enemy. It's not really that hard to believe that supernatural beings could be affected by supernatural features in weapons, when we're more or less told that these things have been written into existence by the very writer who's able to do this in the first place. And if that IS too hard to believe, perhaps you should go complain to your ZOMBIE friends about it?
"When the enemy get close enough to hit you, and supirse this will happen alot seeing as your only defence though out the game is a fucking flash light and a revolver (you get a shotgun and a hunting rifle but they soon run out of ammo) you get the ability to dodge."
Actually, if you're good enough, you can keep them away with minimal dodging. Proper use of your flashlight can faze them long enough for you to get some distance away.
"I use the word dodge becasue theres no way of actually describing what Alan actually does, its like a duck or a slight bending of the back"
ReplyDeleteWhich effectively evades an attack if you do it correctly. That is called a "dodge"... Now you know.
"it doesn't really matter because this move is made to dodge enemies that take horizontal sweeps at you. BUT SE-FUCKING-PRISE, none of the fuckers do they all have vertical attacks so your dodge move is fucking useless. I swear game purposfully make useless dodge moves or theres always that enemy that fucks you over and you can't do shit about it, its like we're ants on an ant hill and their mission is to make our lives as miserable as fucking possible."
Total BS. The enemies make both vertical and horizontal swings, and your dodge is effective against both if you time it right. If not, well that's hardly the game's fault.
"The other charactacers in Alan Wake aren't very interesting (apart from two rockers but you see them twice and they don't contribute much) their like 2D cardboard cut
out, they have no personality and they have the same IQ."
Barry Wheeler and Cynthia Weaver have no personality? Totally off. But I would say that most of the characters don't draw a lot of attention to themselves because that would hurt the intended feel of the game. It's supposed to be a serious game, one in which Alan feels for the most part alone and desperate.
"you meet most of them within the first 5 minutes of game place....then you meet them again later and they're all controlled by the dark essance thingy"
The dark presence takes them all, sure, except Alan, Barry, the two rockers you mentioned earlier, Cynthia, Sheriff Breaker, the doctor, the radio host, the trailer park manager, and the receptionist at the police station. Sure, that's EVERYONE *rolls eyes* More lies, or have you met your quota?
"The thing is with alan wake, it tries to be scary and fails hard."
Subjective. But I don't think they tried to make Alan Wake "scary" as much as a psychological thriller (that is, after all, what they wrote on the case). Something to keep you on the edge of your seat, not necessarily jump out of it.
"The tension is broke by alan's high pictched voice"
Seriously? Something is wrong your TV/computer, dude. Anyone can get on YouTube and find gameplay of Alan Wake. You should really be more careful in deciding what things you lie about.
"and constant need to repeat the fucking mission over and over again,"
Aside from surviving, no objectives are being repeated. Every circumstance is different.
"and the enemy are all lumber jacks surrounded by black stuff.... I might as well be fighting a deaf man with a blind fold on and his arms broken...it would be the same challenge."
What an odd comment. The Taken move and attack much more efficiently than a deaf, blind man! And they certainly come in more shapes and sizes than the lumberjack (which is actually a rare enemy in the game). You have your flankers, that move really quickly in getting beside or behind you and usually carry knives. You have ranged attackers who can throw weapons and hit you from afar as well as swing them when they get closer. You have the assault category, which are big dudes who swing slower but deal massive amounts of damage when they hit. All three of these require a different number of shots to take down, BTW. Then you have teleflankers, who move similar to flankers but at superhuman speeds. Assault Taken with chainsaws are seen rarely but move and are taken down at slower paces but almost kill you with one hit. And that's just the human Taken, not to mention the birds and poltergeists (ranging from a wooden reel to a harvester).
Summary of your review: Pure BS.