If you take a fat man, a depressed person and a twat, mix it together you'd get Alan Wake.
Alan Wake is a deep and interesting game with a plot that takes dramatic twist's and turn and with enemies that present a real challange...Wait, Hold on a sec ! this
is what Alan Wake tries to be. Alan Wake is in fact, shit. Once you finish the game the ending is alot like inception or Shutter Island at first its a little mind
blowing then you realise you wasted two hours of your life watching a film that has a multiple choice ending. -_- Alan Wake doesn't have a multiple choice ending
infact it ends so badly that you have to buy two more parts to the game to fully understand the last part.
"GRIPPING SUSPENSE - Storytelling at its best,Alan Wake is like a tightly paced thriller TV series, offering endless twists and cliffhangers, and building up to an
epic conclussion" You'd think thats what some sort of gaming magazine would say wouldn't you ! well, it isn't... its what the bastards at Remedy put on the back of the
box to make people buy the piece of shit. What it should really say is " TOTAL SHIT - storyboard done by 5 year olds, Alan Wake is totally and utterly cock, offering
No twists and shitty cliffhangers and building up to reveal £30 of your money wasted" but then if it said that no one would buy the piece of shit would they ?
Surly there can't be more wrong with this game ! Oh, but there is my simple minded friend ! With the Bastards at remedy cocking up the story, they may as well continue
with the cock-up fairys wish's and continue to ruin a potentially good game with their awful combat. The enemies in Alan Wake are surrounded by a dark shield becasue
they've been possed by a dark force that has a dark plan and dark stuff happens.... what was i talking about ? Right,the combat ! Becasue the enemies are surrounded by
this 'Shield' it means that your bullets can't hurt them. But don't worry Remedy planned ahead, they gave you a flash light ! the flash light doesn't destroy their
shield straight away it wears it down.... very very very slowly. Ah ha ! but you see Remedy gave the flash light a secondary fire, this means that you pull the left
Trigger (WHICH WILL NOW BE REFFERED TO AS LT) and Alan streches out his arm and point the flahs light wherever you aiming.... this increases the flash lights power but
it also drains the batteries, HOW ON EARTH, DOES STRECHING YOUR ARM INCREASE THE BATTERY POWER ? IT DOESN'T !
When the enemy get close enough to hit you, and supirse this will happen alot seeing as your only defence though out the game is a fucking flash light and a revolver (
you get a shotgun and a hunting rifle but they soon run out of ammo) you get the ability to dodge. I use the word dodge becasue theres no way of actually describing
what Alan actually does, its like a duck or a slight bending of the back it doesn't really matter because this move is made to dodge enemies that take horizontal
sweeps at you. BUT SE-FUCKING-PRISE, none of the fuckers do they all have vertical attacks so your dodge move is fucking useless. I swear game purposfully make useless
dodge moves or theres always that enemy that fucks you over and you can't do shit about it, its like we're ants on an ant hill and their mission is to make our lives
as miserable as fucking possible.
The other charactacers in Alan Wake aren't very interesting (apart from two rockers but you see them twice and they don't contribute much) their like 2D cardboard cut
out, they have no personality and they have the same IQ. you meet most of them within the first 5 minutes of game place....then you meet them again later and they're
all controlled by the dark essance thingy that tries to kill you with black jam stuff that it leaves lying around.
to sum up Alan Wake, its pretty good it has a story line that has a potential, it was original....although it was trying too hard to hump stephen kings writing style
through the game AND it took longer than 5 hours to complete which is more than can be said for any 1st person shooter these days. The thing is with alan wake, it
tries to be scary and fails hard. The tension is broke by alan's high pictched voice and constant need to repeat the fucking mission over and over again, and the enemy
are all lumber jacks surrounded by black stuff.... I might as well be fighting a deaf man with a blind fold on and his arms broken...it would be the same challenge.
